Sunday the 12th of December

Well, this IS a blog with a theme of re-creation. Up until this entry I’ve focused on re-creating my body through exercise. That sounds idiotic having written it but the process has been somewhat successful and will continue. But in the immediate term, the following few to several entries will focus on my career. And, because I’ve never really been good at separating my career from me as an individual, it will be locked in tight on me as an individual, as an ego, etc.

Over the past several years I’ve been marginally involved with two films. Well, that’s not really fair. I’ve been very much intimately involved with these films, one as a writer and director and another as a producer, writer and fundraiser. But it would be a stretch to say to someone “I make conservation films for World Wildlife Fund.” I’m changing that. Within time I want to be able to look someone in the eye and say with confidence, “I write stories and shoot films for WWF.”

So, sitting here in

the Atlanta airport awaiting my flight to Denver, I’ve managed to finagle my way into writing, filming, directing and editing my first short film. It’s hard wearing those many hats - hard in that there’s logistically just so much to do. And one could say I’ve got no business behind a camera or an editing screen. I’m a novice in the truest sense of the term. But I’m a good story teller and I can be convincing given the right situations and have talked my way into the current situation.

One could also say, “you’re setting yourself up to fail” in this particular project and thus jeopardizing the whole re-creation possibilities. But, allow me to wax

philosophical and let me recall a poignant experience of mine from a kayaking trip on the Chattooga River.

If I remember correctly, I was about to drop into a rapid called Bull Sluice which was a fairly easy run save for an enormous rock in midstream. Plenty of room on either side, but run into that rock and the dynamics of the solids and liquids involved would pin you good, probably with your head under water.

I was working with an instructor from the Nantahala Outdoor Center and he said to me, “Darron, if you look at that rock you’ll definitely run into it. Look where you want to go, not where you don’t want to go.”

Good advice then and now. So, I’m going to make the most kick ass 3-minute fundraising video for the Northern Great Plains that this world has ever seen. People are going to weep and want to give their first born child to our program. These next few blogs will be about the experience of making the movie.

Denver

Arrived in Denver with all my bags and that seems like a good start. It’s way to clean here and too much space. It feels a bit self important to be writing this blog. It’s not the next Apocalypse Now for Christ’s sake. Feels silly. Like I’m writing “t

he making of” when I haven’t shot on frame, but screw it. I don’t have anything else to do this evening, save for organizing and getting to know the mountain of equipment that I’m currently not that familiar with.

This Pelican box makes it feel pretty real.

August 30, 2010

MultiMedia meets food meets outdoor adventure -- that's my space. I like it. Soon, we will have the GroundUp blog up and running.

Today's deep thoughts with Jack Handy involve "progress."

It's been a good six weeks since I've began my self recreation. What would Thich Nat Hahn think about this whole endeavor, this whole movement toward an end state that is better qualitatively and quantitatively than the start state? I'd suppose he'd say that being on the train of progress is as good as reaching the station.

My pastor agreed. That feels real funky to write that. I feel like I'm about to start raging on about the powers against rattlesnakes and strychnine. Possessive pronoun + pastor = strange. I was raised Catholic; am raising my kids Catholic; I look back upon a set of Irish-American grandparents born in Rural County Roscommon and Tipperary who grew up fearing the wrath of a Catholic God. But, in the end, I'm a skeptic; I'm your typical Doubting Thomas. I want to put my fingers into Christs' wound to believe.

I'd always pretty much gone through the motions at Church. I had always looked to my pastor to somehow open up my eyes. Maybe with all the incense burning and the deep bellow of the organ -- maybe then something magical would happen -- yes, that's it, something magical. But it wasn't that. "My pastor" is a pretty normal, non-magical guy. He's, to put it out there, just not very inspiring. But he nailed it on Sunday, in his own humble way.

And that's the word! - humble! It doesn't sound like much as it comes off these keystrokes and I suspect that anyone reading this will shrug shoulders and move on or stop reading altogether. I can't even remember the turns of phrase that sandwiched that word, "humble." One thing I do recall, though, is that one cannot equate "humble" with self-deprecation. It's nothing to do with martyrdom, but it's about stripping back layers toward truth.

And for recreation, there seems to be a lot wrapped up in truth and humbleness about progress. I felt true and humble progress this past weekend while running 8.5 miles through the woods in Stone Mtn park. I was cresting hills fast and feeling quick recovery. But, honestly, it wasn't the fact that I dropped my running partner (sorry Dave). Usually I'm the one getting dropped, but in the few times I'd dropped others I'd felt what you might call egoist progress -- and it's totally empty.

But in this case I felt my own muscles pulsing, my lungs efficiently pulling in air and sending oxygen to where it needed to go. It was an awesome feeling. Embracing that honest, entirely humble progress -- that's a key to this whole self recreation thing.

More to come tomorrow...on hills. How I used to feel about them and how I feel about them now.

Day ? Wow, it's been a while.

So, a good month has gone by. For two weeks of that month I was on vacation with the family. I'll admit, I've dropped the ball in terms of food diaries and exercise diaries. But somehow I did manage to exercise during the vacation and, since returning, have been on something of a tear.

I guess, in stepping back, I've questioned why I'm writing this or if I should continue to write this. I'm not sure anyone but me is listening. Maybe that's ok. It's something of a diary more than a blog. I do think it serves me as something of a planner and exercise journal.

Here's what's gone on:
1. I did a mountain bike race in Helen, GA. 17 miles - two 8.5 mile laps. It was awesome.
2. GroundUp foods, my LLC, is starting to gain some mo.
3. I'm registered for a 10 mile trail race October 2nd and I'm focused on that.
4. I'm reading Thich Nhat Hanh and am trying to learn to run for running's sake, bike for bike's sake, wash dishes for the sake of washing dishes.
5. How do you make those two things harmonious? - living in the now with training, which is future focused?

Day 11, 7/22/10: Thoughts and progress

Other: I made my own soap today -- coffee and turmeric scented, which I think is going to be a mistake. I should have just kept it turmeric -- awesome orange color. It's from a plant native to southeast Asia and in the ginger family. It's used in India a lot and is thought to have anti-bacterial properties and "skin lightening" properties. I don't think my skin could get any lighter, but, anyway, it makes a wicked orange color. Unfortunately, I turned that orange completely brown when I added coffee, hoping to get a coffee scented soap. It's all about experimenting with this kind of stuff. GroundUp Soap - definitely a good additional category to add to the energy bars. It has to harden for a week after I pop it out of its pvc tube tomorrow, so I won't be able to try it until I'm back, but it was pretty cool to poor sodium hydroxide into water and watch that stuff heat up. Kids! Don't touch the NaOH!!!

Exercise: Ran the HOD with Mark S's gizmo. Check it out:

http://connect.garmin.com/activity/41431875

WOW! I tell you, having a gizmo like that makes the run a lot more enjoyable. There was a minor snafu in it because it was set to compensate slow-downs when roadies stop for stop signs, so the distance is about .7 miles off, but the heart rate was on and, man, I worked hard. It got me thinking about my heart so I took a fish oil pill. That's probably not a bad idea.

Vacation starts tomorrow.

Day 10, 7/21/10: Thoughts and progress

I had meant to get up at 6am and do a school circuit with the guys, but I shut the alarm off and didn't make it. I woke up at 7:30, which felt much better. Had a kick-ass day at work and didn't pay too much attention to exercise other than doing a "fairoaks circuit" that kicked my ass.

Food: 2 cups coffee; 2 GroundUp bars (yeah baby); peanut butter sandwich; 4 cups water and 2 cans grapefruit seltzer; 2 rice and pico de gallo soft tacos

Other: yes! Figured out the best packaging option for GroundUp foods. Seems like balls work best -- about an inch in diameter. Exposed to the air for a day, they actually dry out some and lose their stickiness almost entirely. I wonder how long it would be before they would just rot?? Anyway, I found a maker of "hinged vials" pvc/food safe vials that will probably fit about 3-4 of them. Pull the vial from your bike shirt, pop the top, down a ball, close the top and put it back in your riding jersey. As long as they don't stick together, I think they'll be OK. Sell a bag of balls (need a better name) and the vial. I'm psyched. Samples are on the way.

I've got to edit some of the earlier blogs, so I'm off for now. One more day until vacation -- my goal is an hour of hard core exercise a day during these nest two weeks. It might be hard to keep up with the blog. I wonder if I can do it off line somehow?

Day 9: Thoughts on Road Riding

The alarm went off at 5:25 a.m. 5:25!! This is night, not early morning. It was dark and the night sounds were still screaming. The sound was deafening and it was awesome and hypnotic and made you feel alive when all the world was dead. Coffee: brewed at 5:30 and downed by 5:37. Tires aired up by 5:40. Water bottle full and affixed to frame, 5:42. Two Ground Up Food single serving balls consumed by 5:45. Mark S lights come into view by 5:48. Heading off to the group ride by 5:50.



It's two and a half miles on the bike to the start point. Today, a group of maybe 12-15 gathered and took off on a regular ride that they do at this Godforsaken time twice a week. The shape of the group runs from the likes of Mark H and Mark S to, well, me. And, at least with today's group, that's not really a terrible reflection on me - new bike, first group road ride, wicked early, new route, etc. And we maintained a pretty tough pace.



Check out the details from Mark S's Garmin:



http://connect.garmin.com/activity/41148473



Now, keep in mind that's he's the fastest rider but also spent some significant time dragging me back into the pack, so it's not a good reflection at all of his ride, but a decent one of the ride itself.



The bottom line: it's not for me. I think one of the reasons I do this kind of waffling about things -- eg, getting really into something and then losing interest -- is that I can be kind of impressionable. Well, where road riding is concerned, I'm going to stick to my guns.



Some people have the "bike gene" -- Mark S and Doug M for example. They were born to ride a bike -- any kind of bike. They'd be happier if they could perform most of their daily activities from a bike saddle. Being on a bike for them is better than not being on a bike. For me it's a means to an end -- of getting out in the woods, exercising, or being able to have a different view of the landscape.

So, I had to drop Doug M's bike back to him with my tail between my legs. But I tell you, the more I watch the Tour de France, the more I have second thoughts -- maybe it is for me and I'm just too out of shape to have fun with this crowd? But for now, I've got to watch the expenditures on this here recreation, so, no road bike.

Food: cup yogurt; 2 cups coffee; --shoot, don't remember.

Day 8: Thoughts and Progress

Monday. I slept this morning-slept in until 8am. I love sleeping. I woke up with a lot of energy, downed some coffee and then took off to the Heart of Darkness. This was my first run of any distance in my new Nike running shoes. They and I felt really good. The patterns are amazing when you start paying attention. I always start off like a slug -- my first mile is always very, very painful even if it's downhill and cool. Then I really kick in.

I remember in my longer runs that I'm feeling tops between mile 8 and mile 10. But the HOD doesn't entail that kind of distance.

The heat and humidity was fierce by 9am and I was sweating like a pig. I ran with a small water flask that straps to fit your palm and carries the perfect amount of water for a 5-8 mile run.

I don't know my time, which calls to mind the need for some kind of accessory to monitor my route, distance, speed, heart rate, etc. Mark S has a great one for his bike rides and I'm guessing that device will translate OK to running.

I also swam a bit today, which reminds me that I swam 25 laps yesterday -- .35 of a mile. Wow, what a workout. My back was sore this morning - in all the right ways and all the right places. Great for breath and lungs as well.

Food: 2 cups coffee; large salad with bbq chicken; two diet cokes; 3 cups water (uggg-not enough); cup of blueberries; half cup sunflower seeds; hand of grapes; 2 awesome peaches thanks to Speece family; some cheese and crackers; some of my awesome GroundUp Food Balls - see below.

Other-Biggest news for today, in my opinion, is within other. I met with my accountant today and got some really good feedback on my LLC, GroundUp Food. Great idea and makes great financial sense. For whatever reason, I got re inspired on my GroundUp Food kick.

Actually, I know exactly why I'm re inspired - it's part and parcel to the way my psyche works.

But anyway, the interest level was piqued again, so I started really organizing my expenditures because it makes good economic sense, AND I made a trip to the Dekalb Farmers' Market to stock up on supplies, AND I cranked out a bunch of good product. I'll test it tomorrow with the morning ride.

Day 7: Week 1 comes to a close

So, went for my first group ride today on the city slicker bike. Unfortunately, it turned into a biathlon. The rear tire was warped and I blew a tube about five miles in, changed the tube and then discovered that the warped tire had become a tire with a pretty good fissure. Heading home, the second tube blew and then I was foot-bound.

These damn road sure are about as useful to walk in as wooden Dutch clogs, so I had to strip down to my socks and complete the 3 mile walk home in them. I did plenty of sweating, but it wasn't quite as fulfilling as I had expected.

So, my first week of recreating myself has come to a close. I'm exhausted. Having exercised every day this week, I guess that's normal. My calorie count has dropped significantly. And, maybe most difficult, I've started waking up at 6-6.30am. But I'm not feeling that exercise high I'm looking for.

Actually, I'd bet I'm more tired than I was before and that hasn't helped in terms of playing a better role with the wife and kids. I've really got to work on that. I have dropped 8 pounds -- weighed in at 190 flat this morning. That's going to slow down.

Food today included a bagel with cream cheese (Sunday splurge); a few cups of coffee; some twizzlers and chocolate grams for a sweet snack; 4 very small pieces of pizza and another HUGE salad.

A salad a day is a good goal: arugula, spinach, tomato, red pepper, cheese, sunflower seeds, almonds, cranberry. I want that one to stick.

I went to church today and it made me think about a spiritual goal. There was a baptism at church today which I like a lot. Baby gets dunked and cries that strange, alien cry that only a baby can. Baby gets anointed in oil and cloaked in an oversized white smock. Baby cries, or not, and is welcomed into the Catholic community. It was nice.

Day 6: Thoughts and progress

I've been reading Steven Pinker, the American linguist. You know when you give someone a raspberry? Raspberry comes from a British word for fart that in turn comes from raspberry tart. The book's full of wild word origin stories like that. Wild stuff.

Sleep. What about a nap? Maybe scheduling a 30 minute siesta would help recharge the battery some? I took one today after setting two fence posts and just about collapsing in the afternoon heat. It was hard to wake up from, but I'll admit that after I got going again I lasted longer into the night.

Food: two eggs and three turkey sausages; glass orange juice; 3 cups coffee; 2 bowls awesome salad; half a hot dog; water; 2 coke zeros (that cant be good); some pretzels and sunflower seeds; lots of water.

Exercise: school circuit; hills on bike ( 3 trips up my hill).

Tomorrow's my first road ride with a group.

Day 5: Mornings and Progress

I hate the morning. I want nothing more than to love the morning -- to rise before the birds, before the city awakes, with the sun nestled behind the horizon. But I can't stand to get up before 7:30. Why is that? Do i just need more sleep? I don't think so, because my disdain for the early a.m. doesn't recede if I go to bed earlier. Can one train oneself to like the morning? I feel the need to try. It just seems that those morning people are qualitatively better.



So, today my training regiment extended to my sleep cycle and I woke up at 6:00m sharp, downed a cup of coffee, a sip of water, I ate a scoop of peanut butter and ran off to the school for a school circuit. The weather was worse than two days ago with Michael M - muggy as all hell. The workout was tough, but getting up at six kicked my ass - I was dragging come 4pm. What's up with that? Food. It's got to be food.

"They rise and shine, even when the sun hasn't. That's the Ultralife. From Miller."

Exercise: school circuit; plus round of 50 sit ups
Food: two eggs; handful sunflower seeds; handful plantain chips; apple; pita bread and peanut butter; salad with grilled chicken; maybe 5 cups water - need more water?
Other: scheduled meeting with accountant for Monday!

Day 4: Progress

Exercise: Took the road bike out today, did two laps of a 5.5 miler through the extended neighborhood:

http://www.mapmyrun.com/route/us/ga/decatur%2c%20ga/220127924625483614

Scary shit, those thin tires. I'll have to check in with Mark H as he's the bike fitting guru. It was a big mistake to forget the gloves - hands slide all over the place.

Food: 2 cups coffee (need to determine calories tomorrow); small bowl of peanut butter crunch cereal with skim milk; small can of tuna; piece of bread w/low fat peanut butter; one peach; two small soft tacos w/pulled pork and low fat cheese; 6 8oz glasses water; cup of green tea.

Other: nothing. Damn. Have got to call the accountant tomorrow. Key to make shorter term goals and stop lumping things into "other." Over and out. Tomorrow is an early morning school circuit.

Day 4: Rumination on Bikes

In 1817 Baron Karl von Dreis introduced the draizine, a pushbike, where the rider sat on a wooden seat affixed to a wooden frame and pushed the bike along with their feet. It took HALF A CENTURY for a Frenchman to come up with the idea of a crank of sorts, affixed to the front wheel -- Pierre Michaux called his vehicle the velocipede. Scotsman Thomas McCall developed a rear-drive, rod driven bike in 1869. The penny-farthing - that's the funny looking thing with the huge front wheel -- must have been hard as hell to ride. In 1885 Starley, a Brit, introduced what looks like today's modern bicycle.

So, we're coming up on the 200th year anniversary of the bicycle. I love bikes - have loved them since I was a kid. I rode BMX as a pre-teen and was on a mountain bike when the sport was still pretty young. Today, I looked at my first road bike.

I feel like a traitor. Roadies are queer folk. Very, very odd bunch. Odd is good, generally speaking, but odd and asinine is not and, I have to say, most roadies are asses. I've got a friend, Mark H who's rides on the road and rides on dirt for fun and we like him. But there aren't many out there. Mark S, our rabbit, seems to have gone to the dark side. He's been mountain biking forever and bought a road bike to train and get faster in the woods. Now, I don't think it's a means to an end for him anymore. It begs the question - can you be a roadie and a mountain biker?

Anyway, I borrowed Doug M's 2001 Jamis today. Doug M is the only guy we know that can drop Mark S in the mountains. I asked him, "do you ride on the road to be faster on dirt?" No - he enjoys both. Two ends. It's nice to be able to leave from your driveway and ride -- no gearing up, driving, etc. And I like the idea of riding in a peloton, zipping along at close range. The Jamis looks sharp -- black and yellow; all steel; 18.2 pounds. Sweet. We'll see. More later.

Day 3: Progress

Exercise: did the school circuit today. That was plenty. It takes about an hour in all, with the .75 mile running commute from my house to the school and back.

Thought more about Michael M's "process goals." He's got one such goal: two circuits a week. "Not 'at least two circuits a week,'" he explains, "that belittles the goal. So, it seems a proper and doable goal would be two circuits a week-mix and match between home circuit and school circuit. Out of town? Can do some combination of running and the circuit, doing as many as the calisthenics as you can do.

Food: one whole wheat pancake; two cups of coffee with 2% milk and teaspoon of sugar; double decker PB&J on whole wheat bread (3 slices), ten chocolate covered blueberries; arugula salad like last night but sans spinach; grilled cheese sandwich with wheat bread and 2% milk cheese; carrots; 4 cups water; one big ole' Gatorade thanks to Michael M (otherwise I'd be lying in the grass somewhere),; and, check this out, green tea at night. I know they say caffeine is no good at night, even if you say, "I sleep like a rock even right after an espresso." Apparently, maybe you're not sleeping as well as you think you are. But I need something at night. I feel like I'm dying. It's the witching hour, right now as I write. I'm jonesin' for snack. No pain, no gain.

Other progress: none really, too busy with work.

Day 3: A New Circuit

I'd mentioned before that there's no excuse to do circuit training that only requires you to step out the door and start doing something. But there's one pretty good hurdle in my mind, come to think of it: boredom -- especially for your truly that gets board pretty damn quickly. So, it just so happens that the neighborhood crew has devised a second circuit that'll allow me to mix it up a bit. We'll call it the "school circuit" because it happens at the Elementary School. Here's what it looks like:

1. Run over to the school, .75 miles
2. One lap around track, .25 miles
3. Pull ups, as many as you can do (I did 9 to start today, just as a base)
4. Bicycle crunches, 40
5. Dips -- I had to do it on a sissy incline because my left elbow was making strange popping noises
6. Push ups, I did 10 -- don't laugh; held for four seconds at the top of each push up, again because of the crackling of the elbow
7. Reverse pull ups, complete on a bar about three feet off the ground, pull yourself up to the bar
8. Burpees -- the worst exercise ever invented: squat, throw legs out to push up position, tuck back into a squat, stand, and jump with your hands over your head.

Now repeat that four times. Did I mention the heat? Brutal. We can thank Jordan M for that concoction.

Day 3: Pontification and Competition

So, I woke up this morning and weighed in at 192.5 pounds -- 5.5 pounds lighter than just a few days ago. I ate pretty robustly during diner, but was just about starving during the 8-10.30 hours when I'd normally mow down on ice cream or something. The glass of water method works a bit but is a far cry from a pint of Ben and Jerry's.

I thought it appropriate to mention some of the characters in this story, like Michael M from yesterday. Michael M is one of the gang, an pediatric ER doc with an insane work ethic who can go days on end with no sleep. He's a big guy and can run forever. We ran a trail marathon a few months back and he beat my time by a good 3.5 minutes.

Then there's David A. David A, we all say, rides his mountain bike at 110% of what he's capable of, which means he goes real fast and he crashes a lot. Crazy bastard.

Ian C., the Kiwi rugby player. Enough said.

Mark S. He's the rabbit. The guy that's in the best shape of us all. He doesn't like to run, so he says, but when he does he runs fast and far. And no one can catch him on the bike.

Dunvan VP, the creative genius behind all of our group's interest in adventure racing.

Doug M. Doug's a bit on the fringe of the group as of writing, mostly because Mark S is pretty much the only guy that can keep up with him (for awhile at least).

Mark H., another doctor with all the drive and focus of great doctors. He's a roadie, but we try not to hold that against him.

And Jordan M. Jordan hates to be beat and his competitiveness drives him to great things. Jordan travels a lot and his training has been back and forth, but lately he's been on fire - a fire that rekindled my own fire to write this and something of his own self recreation I believe.

It's a funny thing, competitiveness. I'm insanely competitive. I think it's largely a sign of self doubt, insecurity. But, harnessed correctly, I suppose it can bring you to great heights. I battle with how and how not to use competitiveness day in and day out with my two girls. I want to push them, or, better yet, I want them to push themselves. So far, neither seems to have that "killer instinct" where sports or athletics is concerned. Neither seems driven by one goal, a goal to "be great" at one thing or another. This is frustrating to me.

I think it may be how my father thought about me when I was a kid. Things aren't great between us now. That worries me. How to inspire self-confidence and the right amount of a competitive nature, that's the question.

Day 2:Progress

Exercise: Did that heart of darkness run; 30 push ups; 30 sit ups; lots of crunches and leg lifts; swam 20 lengths of our 25 yard pool=1500 feet.

Food: 8 cups water; 1 bowl honey bunches of oats and skim milk; 1 peanut butter and jelly sandwich; 2 cups coffee; handful of carrots; one banana smoothie, home made by Molly C; bowl of pasta and a huge salad with this low fat/low cal honey mustard "spray." Salad was wicked - spinach and arugula; goat cheese; pecans; orange pepper. It's 9.45 pm now and I'm starving. This is part of the pain in the "no pain, no gain" right?

Other progress: good on the job front; need to speak with accountant about Oroboros consulting.

Day 2: New Shoes

OK, so I went to the Big Peach Shoe Company in Atlanta, Georgia all set to raise hell and walk out in either no shoes or a set of Vibram 5 fingers. I walked out with a pair of Nike "slightly structured" shoes to adjust a slightly out-of-kilter stride.

It's weird seeing yourself run from the thighs down. First, I looked like a complete lard ass. Second, my feet tend to fly out to the side before returning to orbit in front of me. And third, my right foot lands kind of strange, slight pronation but partially on the ball of my feet.

I've read Born to Run, obviously, and was pretty sold on the minimalist view of running skips, but seeing myself run lead me to think that I needed some 'structure' on me feet. We'll see. The Nike's do look really intimidating.

DAY 2: REJIGGERING GOALS AND STRUCTURE

Mistakes are great. You can tell a lot by them and a lot about the person who makes them. So, one of the great things about a blog and the blogging format is that it allows you to keep a rolling record of mistakes and corrections to mistakes. Not 48 hours in, I've made what I think is my first mistake.

I realized my mistake during my run this morning. The run we've named "The Heart of Darkness," a la, Joseph Conrad. We've actually upped the anty (sp??) on the name and call it now "The 4 Chambers of the Heart of Darkness" as there are four killer hills in it. Here it is:

http://www.mapmyrun.com/route/us/ga/decatur/434127903157322467

It's 4.27 miles from door to door and, truth be told, I only ran "two chambers" today, having to get back home for a business call.

I ran today with Michael M., one of my running/adventure racing mates here in the 'hood. Michael M is great to run with, as we always wax philosophical between breaths. It's not surprisingly that I came upon a mistake while running with Michael M.

I was telling him about this here blog and said. "Dude, new goal for us? Two words: Iron Man." I was expecting him to get all fired-up, but I immediately got one of those obvious "I don't like it... hmms"s.

"The triathlete. Strike that...the Iron Man is a selfish athlete. Just think about what you have to give up to train for an Iron Man -- either job or family. Probably both. I'd recommend a "process goal" rather than a "achievement goal."

Enlightenment. There's no way I'd be able to get to the long list of recreation goals while training for an Iron Man -- in fact, my "physical goal" would be sitting diametrically opposed to my "family/social" goals and my need to shave ego. Shave weight...yes. But shaving ego is as if not more important.

And process goal! They're always frowned upon, but he's right! Process goal is the key -- "work out consistently. Or, work out X times a week." That fits nicely with my other goals, namely, my desire to gain focus, shave scatteredness? Shave .... Shave weight, shave ego, gain focus. That's got a good ring to it.

Oh, and another process note, for each day, I'll have a narrative and then a summary of progress.

Day 1: Progress

Down the road when millions are reading this blog, I'm sure the daily food memo will be a real eye catcher. Actually, I've always read that if you write what you eat you'll less, so I'm keeping this journal as a way of doing that.

FOOD
2 eggs with salt and pepper
one can of tuna
two cups of coffee w/2% milk and one tsp sugar
one 8 oz glass of grapefruit juice
8 8 oz glasses of water
small portion of bakes chicken and small side of rice

That's got to be less than 2000 calories. I'll call these daily summary blogs, Progress, and it'll inlude exercise, food intake and any other advancements made.

EXERCISE
One home circuit
plus 100 situps

ADVANCEMENT
I ordered lye to make my own soap.

GETTING THERE, PHYSICAL: home circuit

OK, so I've developed one easy-to execute home exercise circuit that will work for me. There's no reason not to do it, because I can walk out my door and go and it takes only 40 minutes. I should be doing this circuit 3 times a week. Here's what it looks like:

1. warm up hill run: I'm blessed/cursed with living on a nice long hill. It's pretty damn steep too. I start off with running down the hill and back up, it's about .25 of a mile but gets your heart going quick.
2. bear crawl: I bear crawl from the street into my driveway, about 40 yards.
3. jumps. I've got this nice concrete wall. I do ten jump ups on the small ledge (about 18 inches high), ten on the medium ledge (about 24 inches high), and ten on the high ledge (about 30 inches high). I'll measure later.
4. incline push-ups; ten from the second step and ten from the first step of the steps to my front door. Actually, I was so beat today doing this, I just did 20 push ups flat.
5. side planks. Lean on your right elbow; legs out straight with left foot and leg on top of right foot and leg; hold your back/waist straight to there's a straight line from your neck to your waist to your feet. Should feel tension in your spare tire area. Repeat on other side.
6. Bicycle crunches, 25.
7. curls with 15 lbs dumbbell, 15 reps
8. overhead press, 15 lbs dumbbell, 15 reps
9. shoulder flies (?), 15 lbs dumbbell, 15 reps.

Repeat the circuit three times, including the run. Try to move quickly from one exercise to the next.

GOALS: footprint

OK, this is a new one, something that makes a lot of sense, something that one might assume I'd tackled in the past but haven't.

I've worked for an environmental non-profit for ten years now: WWF. You might think that I'd have some kind of concern about my own ecological footprint or that of my family's. But, though at 18 I wanted to be an EarthFirster and save the world through eco-sabotage, I somehow don't even have the faintest interest in minimizing my own footprint.

John Francis, the writer, saw an oil spill in the San Francisco Bay back in 1971 and stopped using motorized vehicles for twenty years because of it! Now that's dedication. And I don't care if his individual commitment didn't make a dent in our global oil consumption, he made a dent in the universe. I think I need to be a better global citizen, and I don't give a crap if that sounds naive or too much like a do-gooder. I need to do it. I need to set a good example for my kids. It's just the right thing to do.

I'm not giving up my 1985 FJ-60 land cruiser, that's that. (and I'm not giving up coffee either, damnit!) But I don't commute -- I probably drive 100 miles a week at most. But there's plenty I could do, and taking radical steps toward self recreation should involve my own planetary impact. I'll have to work on coming up with specific goals on that -- ones that feed into my other goals. I think I'll start with making my own soap.

Maybe that's it -- think about it more like self-sufficiency rather than footprint. I like the idea -- scratch that, love the idea -- of living "off the grid." There's a lot of militia-man in me, a lot of less-government in me -- if you could strip away all the hatred, racism, etc. Being self-sufficient is something that strikes me to the core.

GOALS: intellectual

This one, interestingly enough, is a bit easier to get your arms around and measure.
I've had a lot of success during past intellectual encounters and past career encounters -- somehow I lump the two together. Not tooting my own horn here, no one's listening anyway, but whenever I've set out to do something that requires thought and hard work, I've usually achieved it with great success.

I remember a good instance of failure. It was in college, and I got the opportunity to do this island wide beaver survey -- I was focused on field biology, just to clarify any possible misconceptions of the word "beaver." It was/should have been an ideal task -- check out all the extant beaver lodges on Mount Desert Island, Maine and assess whether the lodge was active or inactive and then develop a population assessment. GOD - looking back, why didn't I just KILL that job - I was so perfectly set up. But, for whatever reason, I half-assed it and it showed in the final presentation to the guy at Acadia National Park. Now, that guy was and was known as an asshole and I hid behind his ass-holeishness when he tore me apart, but, looking back, he had every right to tear me apart. Anyway, as you can tell, that experience left a mark.

ANYWAY...
Goals:
1. I've always wanted to write a book -- a novel or a collection of short stories. If I look in the bowels of this computer and my past computers, I bet I'd find three dozen failed first attempts. Well, here's a reasonable goal: get something published in a magazine, any magazine.

In my eyes, writing can be the most personal-intellectual endeavor. It's something I like and something I'm reasonably good at and something I want to pursue more fully.

2. Get my own side business off the ground. Yes, I am considering this one intellectual, because it involves so many things that I need to learn. I actually already have my LLC, Groundup Foods. The idea was to create an energy bar -- low tech, a la Clif Bar when it first started. That, I still feel, is a good one to work on, as it could go a long way toward helping me with my other goals. It's not about giving up on my current job, but, rather, having a side project that's fun, makes a little money and helps/forces me out into the world of competition some.

GOALS: mental

Yeah, beyond the physical, setting goals gets a lot tougher. This might be the toughest category of all.

WEAKNESSES and goals
Note that I'm calling this "weakness" rather than "bad" because your mental state, I believe, is neither good nor bad, it just is -- but it's definitely malleable.

I'm an anxious person. I fret over things. I want to be a less anxious person. I want to calm the constant stream of internal talking that goes on in my mind.

I have a very short attention span, but somehow I don't think this part of me will change. But in terms of these goals -- the goals of the entire radical self recreation plan -- I'm going to at least have to keep that generalized goal in the cross hairs for the rest of my life, however long that may be.

GETTING THERE: wow, not sure how to reach this one. Meditation? I've tried it a million times and could never sit still for more than five minutes -- see above. I can't even begin to think about "an empty mind" for more than five seconds. I have a hard time believing that one could sit still and have a clear mind at all. Nothing? No thought? No way! Again -- the physical is essential. My clearest minds have come when I've been pushing myself to physical extremes. How to transfer that to a less-intense physical state, well, that's another question.

GOALS: social

This one is much harder to think through.

Background: I don't think I'm an asshole, but, then again, how we view ourselves is often very different from how others view us. After 40 years, I think I know myself pretty well and can at least spell out my pros and cons.

GOOD
I'm fun and honest. I've have been really honest with my wife and trust her with everything I have. I'm a good father and try and spend lots of quality time with my kids. I work hard and bring creativity into my work.

BAD
I'm really self-centered. Wow, it's hard to write that, but it's true. I definately look out for me first. I'm not a great son -- that is, I don't give back enough to my folks, especially my Mom. Again, having to spend so much time on recreating my physical nature seems self-indulgent, but it's not, it's the frame upon which the other aspects hang.

GOALS
More, better quality time with wife and kids; kids get a sense of what they really love and begin really going after one to several of those things. More attention and love to my Mom -- helping her to deal with her illnesses. Same with estranged Dad. Become a better listener. Don't talk so much. Don't judge others so much and so quickly. All these things, yes, are tough to measure, but it's a "you'll know it when you see it" kind of thing.

GOALS: physical

A bit of history -- a better word for "baseline."



PHYSICAL

This is the easiest to measure and thus the easiest to gauge improvement. As I said in the opening, I'm not a lard-ass couch potatoe. I'm out of shape compared to six months ago but still in pretty good shape compared to the average 40 year old American male. I weighed myself this morning and saw 198 on the scale. At 6 feet, that gives me a Body Masss Index (BMI) of 26.9 which is just slightly overweight.



I've got a good frame, some good musculature, but, lets face it, I've never been "ripped" so to speak.



Goals: get to 170 pounds, which is a BMI or 23.1, totally in the normal range.

I want to do an IronMan tri-athalon within the next 18 months;

I want to be able to do 20 pullups; 100 situps in 2 minutes; and run 3 miles in 18 minutes (that's a score of 100 on the marine fitness test)

I want to be able to hang with my friends Mark and Doug on whatever mountain bike ride they can throw at me.



Notes: Those are pretty damn crazy goals - but definately attainable. My eating behavior is going to be the toughest thing to tackle.

Reason: OK, so there's a little bit of ego-maniacal inspiration here -- wanting to be ripped and wanting to impress my wife at the pool. I'll be honest. But I'm also being honest when I say that attitude, concentration, feeling, emotion, etc. begins with health. I know I feel better when I'm in better shape. I also know that I'll need TONS more energy to be able to complete the other things I'd like to accomplish (see later on in blog) and so I'll need that kind of crazy physical shape to do it. I also just really like testing myself. I also want to set a great example for my kids, etc. etc. etc.

Opening

Welcome to Self-Recreation, a blog by Darron Collins. Actually, I suppose the only one I'm welcoming is me.

Here's the deal:

• I just turned 40
• My wife just turned 40
• I have had a damn good life so far, by my own account
• Wife and two kids, great family, enough resources, great neighborhood, good job, etc.
• But somehow I'm looking for something more -- out of me, more than out of my relationships or job.

I'm the kind of guy that's done some cool stuff physically -- run a trail marathon; done adventure racing; in reasonable shape for my age; good adventures. But there's got to be more there! And, so, this blog is about recreation - radical recreation. Radical self re-creation - of mind, body, spirit, soul, etc.

Recent inspiration: John Francis' book, can't even recall the name, but he walked for 20 years without ever using motorized vehicles and he was also SILENT for 17! Also, I woke up this morning after sleeping 12 hours -- yes, 12 hours -- and was completely zonked. Something's got to change.